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she asked me how i felt today.
was i in a bad mood that she had to ask me?
did i give a glum face?
well, i'm neutral today.
in reply to your question.

she ignored me.
not picking up my calls.
i cant be bothered though.
did everything in my room.
did some english.
and read my book.
PEACE OUT.

he is ok.
from what my friend told me.
though he is rounder.
i wonder what happened.
haa.

great life i've.

went to lots of people's blog.
all about chinese Os.
yep, finally over.
it was not simple nor difficult.
NEUTRAL.

her wedding was also over. love her.
pretty lady.
will miss calling her miss rehana!!








just some photos of the day.
next is me and hy!just one.


end of pics. have a lot. lazy to upload.

happy event over. nervous event over.
now. holidays. have to study very hard during this period of time.

britney spears - from the bottom of my broken heart

"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I'd miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind
Where do I go?

And you didn't hear
All my joy through my tears
All my hopes through my fears
Did you know, still I miss you somehow

[CHORUS:]
From the bottom of my broken heart
There's just a thing or two I'd like you to know
You were my first love, you were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even though time may find me somebody new
You were my real love, I never knew love
'Til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart

"Baby," I said, "please stay.
Give our love a chance for one more day"
We could have worked things out
Taking time is what love's all about

But you put a dart
Through my dreams through my heart
And I'm back where I started again
Never thought it would end

[Repeat CHORUS]

You promised yourself
But to somebody else
And you made it so perfectly clear
Still I wish you were here

[Repeat CHORUS]

"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I'd miss you so?

broke down. finally after hanging on for a long time.
i wasnt so strong after all.
i was very upset over it.
and just act strong. dumb me.
i am a dumb person.

once again, she irritates me.
and has succeeded again.
she pissed me off every single day.
this is not the way i want you to care for me.
i have put mrs m words into my mind,
instead of yours.
are you ashamed?
i am not going to hate you,
it's just wasting my energy.
you just have to know,
you WILL NOT HAVE to interfere in my life anymore.
except for wasting your 327 bucks.
"WE WILL NOT PAY FOR YOUR EDUCATION IF YOU GO TO ITE."
"I DONT CARE. IF YOU DONT PAY, I WILL PAY FOR MYSELF. YOU DONT HAVE TO SAY IF SINCE YOU ARE SO CONFIRMED OF ME GOING TO ITE. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT MY LIFE."
*door slams*

marvellous. this holiday sucks.
is sleeping till 9am late?
she even complains about the slightest thing.
i can understand that you are not working,
doesnt know ANYTHING about the society outside,
and doesnt have any friends,
but you do not have to find a small thing,
to quarrel with me.
i feel very irritated to be at home.
i hate coming home.
i hate to hear your rantings.
you know you always succeed.
let me win once.
give me money and i will move out.
I SWEAR.
though swearing is a sin,
i cannot stand it anymore.
be glad i do not swear right in your face,
thats when our relationship is over.
you do not want that to happen.
i am already very tired.
let me rest.
i will be glad that you let me win just for one day.
do not be too selfish and take all 24 hours.

life sucks when it comes to you.
you never know whats going on in my mind.
you should update on the ways to know your kids mind when they get older,
such that you cannot control them.
i dont know whether to feel sad for you,
or have what feelings towards you.
whenever i see you,
i feel like shuting myself.
i shut myself in the room whenever there's a need to.
you should go for counselling courses.
should i apply for you?
i feel so terrible everyday.
it's a dread to go home.

sad life.

it's over.
and i realised things that i didnt know.
right. so you didnt bother whether i was depressed or upset.
so why put on a bloody fake mask?
show your true self.
you know you are lying to yourself.

"YOU CANT MAKE IT FOR THE Os!!", was what i get from her.
right. i cant.
BUT if i can, and make lots of money.
i wont dump you into some old folks home.
dont worry, i will give you allowance.
though i know it will never be the same AGAIN.

He came home. and she said the story.
He agreed with her.
right. i'm just another useless brat.
which will end up in the same path as my brother.
no, my brother is not brainless.
He's my best brother, a person whose blood is flowing like me.
I never despise him.
I LOVE HIM.

And so, they concluded.
"OUR DAUGHTER WILL NOT MAKE IT TO POLY!!! WE HAVE JUST WASTED 300 OVER BUCKS!!"
great. so much for loving them.
have asked her to drop me out of school.
i have mentioned it to you.
so why are you not doing it.
you should not pay the Os fee.
Let me die out in the streets.

I am not hurt by what you both have said.
it's dead. right there.
*END*

I am depressed and sad.
But i can stand up again without the both of your help.
i'm glad that you have raised me up.
and will not forget that kindness.
I am glad that you both criticize me.
you both make a great couple.

I will make it there.
you shall wait and see.
till then,
your words will not get into my mind.
and to repeat myself,
not to worry,
i will feed you guys.

sometimes, misuderstandings do happen.
it's up to you to decide whether it is a misunderstanding.
do not jump to conclusions before knowing anything.

no jumping to conclusions now.
STELLA IS 17.

tomorrow parents' conferencing day.
not worried. just afraid.
she will pounce on me.

her wedding is near.
excited to be there.
big function.

ok. i'm sad over getting 17.
stella doesnt mean it when i say i am not bloody sad.
it means a lot to me when i've got 6.
BUT it wasnt meant to be mine.
was a little shocked when she said, "Stella, come come. I've got something important to tell you."
ok.woah. a BIG surprise. didnt have to blame anyone.
have to blame totally on myself. "You are not stupid, Stella."
thats what i hear from lots of people, though some may think likewise.
Ok. I'm not stupid. BUT i'm dumb when it comes to MATHS!!!
i dont hate the subject.
because when you hate the subject, you can NEVER win it.
though this phrase has been in my mind, i will never do it.
cause i just seem to hate it. *SHRUGS* upon hearing it.
So, in conclusion , STELLA IS SAD TO SAY I'VE GOT 17!!
and i know some will come to me,
"Stella, you know you can do it!!"
yes, i do know it. i know i have the talent to flop my maths and do well in english.
BUT when i saw my english marks this term, it went : "OH MY GOD?"
disappointed. i have said this umpteen times,
and i am supposed to improve on it.
blame it on myself for disagreeing with ms ng's way of teaching.
maybe i should use her style. and score like lay yan.
it's the worst english marks i have ever scored.
maybe not as worst as term one as i failed.
never pin hopes on me. i will crash them ALL.
that's very true. because my parents have experienced it.
high hopes on me this year. because you guys dont give me stress and goes,
"I know you can do it. I will not give you stress this year like i gave you for your Ns.
Our family's face depends on you. Show our relatives you can do it like the past."
right. i know i have done it in the past(not boasting) and have got MANY prizes.
But that doesnt mean that it remains the same for Os.
you dont bloody know the stress because you dont study the same things.
i dont want tuition but it will add burden and i know it.
therefore, dont say i didnt give you stress. because i will feel even worst.

since young, it's been a pleasure to see my father painting the house.
nevertheless, i felt the same today.
he painted MY room PURPLE!!
and he was so proud of his work that he was grinning from ear to ear.
and now, his legs hurt.
my brother's room blue, i love it too.
i had a part in painting my room today,
after learning all the skills from painting my classroom.
it feels as if i have just moved to a new home.
everything seems new to me.

his birthday today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
hope you are happy always.

went for a haircut.
read the magazine.
read something which goes through my mind.
it says " a guy tells a girl, i will love you forever."
at that point of time, the guy did not know how important was the word FOREVER.
forever to him was JUST a word.
to the lady, it was seriously FOREVER.
so guys, never say forever, unless you mean it.

friends are everywhere around you,
it's just how you cherish them
to make them stay.

finally over. 6th in class. with BAD results.
am very disappointed. expecially for english.
got a 5 for it? shit.

his birthday is coming soon.
hope he's happy in everything.

wants to get some sun.
wants to go to sentosa.

maya walks along the shore,
following the little prints.
she traces over the drawings
she makes in the sand.
wet,
shiny sand that soaks up the water.
salty water,
that washes away maya's drawings.

exams are over. all crap. will get almost all papers tomorrow.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS BONG!

sad not to be able to celebrate with you. but nevertheless, i'm with you always. happy birthday again.

Abstracted from WOMEN'S SECRET

At last the time is here to go to the beach and walk barefoot on the sand.
In summer, it's like a home away from home.
You feel free at the beach, and there's so much to do, apart from sunbathing.
It never closes, either-it's open morning, noon and night.
In the morning, feel thr hot sun on your skin, chat about what happened the night before, take a cool dip and eat at the beach restaurant, with chill-out music playing in the background.
In the afternoon, take a nap, have an ice-cream, play volley-ball, read a book or flick through a magazine.
At night, there are concerts, bonfire parties, hot romances and swims in the dark.
There's so much to do at the beach in summer.

chinese paper is over. was a little difficult. frowning through lots of questions. but at least i tried. shouldnt give up on any subjects. have to get my aim. plan to write in to the magazines to be a freelance writer. first step on my hope.
gum still hurts. shit.
thanks to mrs mitchell who gave the letter. was nice. first teacher i knew who did that.

and i have discovered the importance of my parents.

never expect something more out of friends was what i learnt from someone important. thats quite true. therefore i cant say i have lowered my expectations, i have just forgotten about it. it's a little stupid to think of getting something nice from your friends. who exactly can give you whatever you expect. someone far away i suppose. these few days, been on my own, THINKING(finally i use my brain). i'm glad i didnt expect anything out of anyone anymore so i will not be sad again. BUT are these actually what i'm thinking? i have said them, but will i make them come true? there's no more time for me to think of all these. exams coming. have to study real hard for exams to prove myself.
gum really hurts. and my dentist is on leave for this own month. dont wanna go to public dental. they will just refer me to there AGAIN and tell me to scram and not to forget the consultation fees. am trying to forget the pain where 2 EXTRA STRONG painkillers doesnt work. hopes it does not affect my exam tml especially when it's chinese!! wants to open my bloody mouth and scream the hell out of me. CANT!!! because of my tooth. cant believe it. cant even sing. doesnt even want to talk. when is my dentist coming back? i need him BADLY!!!
am not sad. does not even want to mention the word sad.

things are getting better. day by day. count down to exams. chinese is difficult to study. final year and is dead. english is over. PHEW. think i wrote CRAP. wrote bloody and then did this <----- and crushed the paper. too emotional in my essay. wants to go book fair badly!!