Designer: LGM
Codings: Manikka
Images: 1 2 3 4
Brushes: 1 2

do not be surprised if you find me dead one day. feel happy for me.

decided to change my blogskin after much consideration. wanted a more simple one. tada. thats it. chosen to be one of the chairperson for the debate next week. reaction: whatever.
gossiping is around us everywhere. no one can ever stop it. when you hear good friends gossiping about each other what can you say? it makes me speechless. came across this pair of pals who were gossiping bout their friends. poor guy who knew nothing about this.
was quiet in class. been thinking bout something. not about him even though i know i always do that. there's this thing going through my mind now and then. how do you guys treat your friends? everyone equally or differently. friends as in friends. not people who you dont bother even though they are your friends. friends as in together with them almost everyday. do you talk to each of them in a different tone or same for everyone. for me, i think i speak differently to everyone. why bother to speak so nice to you when you dont even understand a single word i say? never mind. am i just a "thing" there that is taken for granted. i hope i am not. you treat me differently each time i see you. you give me cold shoulders, i dont mind. because i know humans will have bad mood. you shout at me at times, i treat as if you were pissed and needed to let it off. when your other friend is back, i am just thrown aside. I AM ALSO A HUMAN. WHEN YOU WANT OTHERS TO THINK OF YOUR FEELINGS, THINK OF THEIR FEELINGS FIRST. this is so disappointing. i also thought of you as someone i can tell my troubles and secrets to. but you made me so upset. alright. take it that i'm paranoid and ignore me forever.
i am always sad. you guys know it. you guys know me as a hyper-active girl. i laugh like hell. and when i'm moody, everyone says that stella's showing off her attitude. or i hear comments like "why is she showing me her attitude?" alright. for others, you can show your attitude and whatever you want. for stella, she must always be a hyper and cheerful. please stop being naive. stella is also a human. not someone on earth to entertain you. when i'm noisy you ask me to shut up. when i'm quiet, you ask me what happen to me. and goes around telling everyone stella is crazy. FINE. take it that stella is always moody. this is me. i am like that at home. unless there's a need to talk and laugh, or else i will shut. that's just me. remember that stella is always moody and none of her relatives like her because she has a glum face.

been out of computer life for about 1 week? feel quite good. maybe not so addicted after all. sch's starting tml. argh. homework not done. this not ok that not ok. argh. gotta buck up this term. shit. thinking i'm out of everyone lives. anti-social for 1 week. thats it. at home. out for homework. done. ANTI-SOCIAL ME. I'M OUT OF EVERYONE LIVES. HATE ME.

ok. finally able to blog. something's wrong with my account. so have to be in my momma account. hmmm. campfire yesterday was fun. sec 5 rawks. we had fun. doing the stuff together and dismantling them. damnce to the music, sing and cheer. even though it sounds a little extra, but well, we can have fun too. since year in the school, a little sad a little happy. sad to leave all the memories behind. happy to move on to another stage. got back my report card. didnt do very well, or should i say very bad. haa. pass only 2. chinese and maths. surprisingly. fails are all at 40 plus. oh well. try harder next time was my momma reaction. shock eh. i was too. haa. but was glad. had a feast just now. does crabs and fish head consider feast? haa. to celebrate my lousy results i say. and to encourage me for better results. have lots of homework to do. will be spending my week off meaningfully. revise on PHYSICS or mr wong is gonna kill me again. haa. he's a nice teacher. just that stella scored 2 failures for his test. marvellous. 2 in a row. one stone kill 2 birds? haa. not used to describe this i know.
saw him at the campfire. or should i say saw him for 2 days. a little happy. he's back and brought all memories back. so bad. found that post card he wrote to me. argh. yes clair i should dump it. BUT cant seem to. *heart breaks*. ms ng knows bout it. i know she does cause she gave me that you-know-i-know-it look on thurs. haa. gotta go. dnt rushing me. it's on the floor scattered everywhere. mr yong will kill me if he sees this!!

hmm. tml taking report card. dead man. wat the hell am i doing in these 3 months? omg. i just pass 2 subjects. surprising. and failed my english. argh... so angry. anyways my momma seems to be so understanding that she kept on saying try your best. awwwww. first time in my life.
saw him in sch today. hmmm. funny feeling. and qiong yao. argh. stab her. haa. never mind. death tml.

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And
your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am
I right?
It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't Love, it's Luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there?It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love,
because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you,
or held your hand?
It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident

Do you belong to them because their sight
makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults
because you care about them?
It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day
they are the only one you think of?
It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of
your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others,
but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults
because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain,
even when they're strong?
Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart,
and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain
and elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart,
your life, your death?
Then it's Love.
Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we Love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
Because it's...
Love.


stella is going to be very emotional these few days. many happenings. sad. depressed.
everything hurts. I AM A DUCK.

fallen petals of pride

monsoon blows twice a year,
petals of your pride dropped with withered tears.
cheeks so full once, now without cheer.
when pride is windblown,
what golden leaves remain?
standing flowerless alone,
your angry silence speaks;
with a sharp tongue in my mind.

words are like the fallen leaves by the wayside,
upon the ground they must have bite.

Ong Teong Hean alias Peter Ong

found this poem somewhere. exactly describes what i feel now. failed my english. first time in my whole bloody life. regrets around me in the air. A D7. fucking god. i am so sad. ok. i am not evil. lower than me doesnt mean anything. i dont "action" ok. A D7 may be good to some people BUT it's not good to me. I am not pleased with my english. dont even mention to me my other subjects. the only one WITHOUT a red line below is chinese!!! oh my god. cannot believe when i think about it. my languages are always the one i'm strong and CONFIRM pass in. And now my chinese will be so bored. no one to accompany. awwwwwww. i wanna cry. remembered i said if i fail my english i will jump down. ok. i'm chicken. just like hy said. when i just hop off the building, i will start to regret. I'M CHICKEN!!!

congras to you. top 5 scorers. that's it. end of story of having you in my life.
should i be sad or jumping for joy.
we will not meet again. lets carry on with our life.
maybe it's just me not moving on.
it will be my turn in your shoes.
i am so sorry to say i still like you,
which is so mild now.
thanks for disappearing in my life.
thanks for making everyone go wrong.
life is like a movie[class theme],
you made me cry from the beginning.
and i supposed to hate you or love you still.
you always leave me to things that i dont wanna fix.
or think.
you leave your footsteps right in my movie.
you are a actor in it.
you cannot just leave like that.
oh well, i cant stop you in any ways i do.
thats it. your footprints hanging half way from no where.
how am i supposed to find another actor to continue the show.
no one can ever replace you.
arghs. you are gone. at least forever from this point.